The Ex-Girlfriend

The Ex Girlfriend

They say upon breaking up with a partner there are a few simple steps to take in order to move on. You know, get over them. It takes time they say. Just resist the temptation to call. Write down everything you want to achieve going forward. Set a routine that you can stick to and enjoy. Rebuild your life. If you follow these steps you wont even remember who they were within a week. It may not be scientifically proven but it basically means move the fuck on, being friends isn’t a good idea and stop calling when you need a shoulder to cry on. Let him go. Especially if he has a new girlfriend. We all hate the clingy ex-girlfriends who come as so much baggage that Ryanair would have a field day at check-in.

You meet a guy and everything is looking perfect. He’s on the same wavelength as you, has the looks, his manhood gives you a fully-blown OMG orgasm and he is still friends with his ex-girlfriend. Ah. Not so perfect. Don’t get me wrong here I understand couples can still be friends after a break-up. I just don’t believe they liked each other that much in the first place. When deep emotions are felt I personally think it’s pretty hard to just deal with these and then become “just” friends. We all know that candle never burns out, even if we can’t be with that person for whatever reason.Maybe they wanted to take a giant shit your chest. Whatever. It really is enough to make you bail. My point here being that yes, we all hold maybe a small fond remembrance of a once passion induced love story. It’s life. It’s also fine. It’s also time to move on or move back.

As females, theres always a small feeling of triumph when an ex wants you back. Even if you don’t want him. I am not hesitating at 50/50 when I say some of us like it but let them move on and accept it’s over. Some girls however have other agendas. Yes. They don’t want him but they don’t want anybody else to have him. She clicks her fingers and there he runs like a puppy with his tail between his legs. As a current girlfriend you are told you need to understand they are just friends when you question it. Otherwise you are just a jealous, insecure bunny boiler. Why don’t you trust him he asks when she messages him at 3am as he lays in your bed. How about “I’ve broken up with my boyfriend” in floods of tears as he rushes to comfort her because, remember, they are friends. There’s nothing between them. She rests her head on his shoulders as he reassures her. This is what friends who have had feelings in a previous relationship together do isn’t it? You’re his girlfriend, he chose you and he loves you so what’s the problem?

The problem, dear boyfriend is you are either extremely naive and genuinely believe that you can both be “just” friends OR you can’t quite let go. You want your current girlfriend but you just cannot cut that last thread with the Ex. It’s the same story every time really, if I’m brutally honest. To an extent yes there is jealously involved but in my opinion quite rightly.

I’ve never understood fully how to explain this concept, a gut feeling possibly or women’s intuition. Men think it’s a shit load of pansy nonsense but it’s true – You just know when it’s not ringing the right bells. She is dishing the playing cards and he’s picking up the deck in the correct order.

The private messages, the effort with the hair and make-up, the many dramas that happen in her life and her complete unacceptance of you; His girlfriend. He doesn’t quite realise he’s her back-up option. The one to run too when she needs affection. When her dates don’t go so well she knows he will dote on her, tell her she’s beautiful and when a major relationship breaks down she can have him back with the click of her fingers. Yet it’s just you and your imagination running away with you. She’s an innocent little miss in the whole episode.

If ever I remained friends with any of my ex-boyfriends and the situation was vice versa, I’m almost sure he wouldn’t be as cool as a tin of baked beans about it all. Yes, we have friends of the opposite sex but to a certain extent. There is a fine line.

How do I know so many girls are like this? I used to be is the simple answer. I used to love knowing I could throw on the waterworks and have guys at my door within minutes. I used to love knowing that a guy preferred me over his girlfriend. I’ve been “just” friends with male friends because I want to reel them in and for them to fall for me because I want them more than a friend. We’re going back a few years when I was insecure within myself, hence the reason I tiptoed around so badly. I wouldn’t dream of it now because I don’t have time to be chasing men I have no intention of giving myself too plus I have no want to stay friends with an ex boyfriend who I had strong feelings for. It wouldn’t work and I’m sure at least once temptation would flutter and linger, and we all know in that situation it’s not as easy as just saying no.

Men have a great way in which to make you feel like you’re a little crazy, making situations up because when he had a sleepover at her house with all his friends nothing happened. As his girlfriend you should trust him in his viewpoint (rightly in the right situations) and stop kicking up a fuss and just allow them to continue to meet up, for her to message him and phone when she needs comforting. Why should you go along to any afternoon coffee catch up they have she asks? She wants to see him and he sympathises that her problems are personal and you should stay at home and wait for him. The simple answer to me is no. There’s being jealous over not much then there’s not being a fool to yourself and being walked over. Trust your judgement. Talk it over with friends and also people outside your friendship group if you must but never be second best. If this is a relationship you want to take into your future do you want her tears and false insecurities to put you in the backseat as he lays out her red carpet for the front seat next to him as you drive forward?

A final note to all the ex-girlfriends reading this that know they have an agenda then get some counseling or work on your self confidence. Just get over it. We all know as soon as you find a man who makes you mad about him you’ll throw your ex away like an empty packet of smarties that you wont pick up.

This is why I dislike ex-girlfriends.

n.b This isn’t aimed at every Ex partner in the world that have remained friends. It is just to those that may need to be sectioned in the ‘Get over your ex and get a life’ mental ex-girlfriend unit.

Copyright © 2014 The Bella Effect



  1. Oh jeez, I’ve been that ex-girlfriend and I’ve been the current girlfriend! It’s great to know I’m not the only one! Oh, and I love your style. Fun read! x

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