Yesterday was the one year anniversary of The Bella Effect. I’ve successfully been writing my thoughts, giving my brutally honest opinions and allowing women to see it’s not just them that are partial to a sex marathon in the bed of someone they may never wish to see again. For one year I have managed to speak about my fears of commitment, why men are brainless animals and somehow have my own way with each and every single one of them on my unsaid terms and conditions. Those being that just because we have sex does not mean I want anything even slightly similar to a relationship and that sex is just that, sex. I wasn’t so empty as to just sleep with any penis that offered free entry to my theme park, I had a friendship or genuine sexual attraction to these men, a simple thrill to have a ride, scream and then think I am never doing that again. It was fun. Once. I never felt the want to get off the ride and join them for dinky doughnuts or candy floss to share. That was all a mouthful of pretentious bullshit that Hollywood wrote in a script, wasn’t it?
Having written about a previous boyfriend I once had, it seemed I enjoyed being in a relationship, just not with him. He preferred shopping in B&Q at 10am for nails and pimping his ride like the american TV series, you know, like taking off the Chrysler badge on his 300c and replacing it with a Bentley instead. Wasn’t for me. So that swiftly ended after 3 months. Then I saw a few guys, they were fun and happily gave me the one thing I wanted. The last thing I wanted was to get stuck with another man who just didn’t get me and thought the idea of a good time was having a blow job at 3am in a Maccie D’s car park. So, I casually dated who I wanted when I wanted. Until August this year. I didn’t even expect what was going to happen next, it just kinda did. I fell into a relationship with a guy who bought me the dinky doughnuts and candy floss before the ride and for the first time in three years there it was. The Butterflies that started fluttering in my tummy as opposed to my fanny. The smallest feeling that made the biggest difference.
Excuse me for possibly gloating ever so slightly at the fact I am currently under the little romance fairy’s spell, it’s just that I think I understand a little bit more about this whole relationship nonsense. I’m not diving in being ridiculous and saying that I want his babies and for him to propose and marry me within 9 months, (I stand firmly by the fact marriage is not for me) but I guess I am saying that I have had the biggest orgasm of my life, laughed until my boobies have nearly popped and been able to confide in him like I never have with any other man. (Except my best friend, but he’s gay so that doesn’t count.) What I mean is that even if I wanted to I couldn’t walk away because this feels good. Even better than that glass of wine on a Friday night to welcome in your weekend. Now that should put it into perspective ladies (or a pint for the lads) if you get what I mean *wink wink*
We met 5 years ago. Merely friends who worked together now and then, I had even stayed in his bed and nothing happened or was even suggested. In all honestly I thought he wasn’t interested, you know, oh he just see’s me as a friend and all that. Randomly one night in June I believe I tweeted I couldn’t sleep. Boring I know but I feel Twitter has to know these useless bits of information. Then Mr We’re-just-friends messages me on Facebook saying he too cannot sleep. Boom. We spoke everyday and I went to visit him as he designed by business cards for me. Naturally I spent hours getting ready, fussing with outfits and choices of lipsticks but eventually I made it over. Flirty curls in my hair too may I add. Six hours later we were still sat by the computer going through design ideas. What? KISS ME! When he went to the toilet I even pulled my dress down slightly so my perky boobs were a bit more noticeable. Still, nothing…hmmm. All I wanted was to jump on him and wildly kiss but I wasn’t entirely sure the response would be reciprocated so I controlled my sexual urges and crossed my legs to calm myself down.The last thing I wanted was my woman juices running down my leg as my vagina became excessively excited. Come 9pm we still weren’t decided and he offered me to stay as it was quite a drive back to my house. You all know I stayed, asking him if he had a T-shirt I could wear to bed (his double bed yes!) It might have taken a while but he kissed me that night, and I knew it was what I wanted. Right now I have managed to find a man who ticks all my boxes. Taking a step back from being the man-hater and the girl who had huge commitment issues I am risking it for a biscuit. In other words sod it, I can’t help the right kind of butterflies so I’m going to enjoy every minute of it. I really like him. A lot.
I learnt you can’t live with walls around you your entire life. Don’t knock them down for someone but let that special someone knock them down to get to you.
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