Route 69

Route 69Still single except this time with absolutely no interest in mingling. Yes, the horny, leg humping female I usually am has calmed down and taken a step back from wanting to hunt down any man who seems at all sexually attractive and makes my fanny flutter. I swapped that hobby for reading. Boring I hear you think. Indeed you may think so, and I was shocked myself to find this sudden turnaround which was of course involuntary. I love men, I love sex and now I don’t want any? Well, Don’t get me wrong I’d still get my leg over if I came into contact with a man who I thought could last as sufficiently as possible within my lifestyle. By this I mean turning up, pleasing me, then leaving so I can carry on doing what I want to do without the added efforts of affection, which to be quite honest I really run dry on. Men don’t want cuddles and cutesy poo poems after sex. If they listen they must really love you or you are riding him like a Ferrari down route 69.

More recently my patience with many life occurrences has been running on a short fuse. The fuse has blown in some areas and is practically flashing a dangerous shade of crimson in others. When it comes down to the whole man and woman thing I am only inclined to see it as just that. You have a Penis, I have a Vagina, we both fancy each other, no one has to know, so do what you do and we’ll make each other come. I’m guessing you all realise I have a low emotions threshold and not much bothers me when it comes to the opposite sex, so I can only guess I am wired in a similar way to the object with a penis attached to it that walks around with his brain down his trousers. Maybe that’s where my brain is. (It’s very small if it is down there.) Is there really any necessity for the whole “I’ve only seen you 6 times this week how can you go out with your friends you selfish bastard” commotion? I much prefer my set up (my ideal set up this is) of “ Oh you naughty boy, tonight I’ll give you ten out of ten and I’ll be seeing you in the morning for a quickie and a Bacon buttie you yummy thing.” Personal preference of course. Mine being the latter to confirm.

Not saying I am against a relationship just to add. I haven’t turned all man-hater again. Just seems an easy way to focus on my direction in life (erm…) managing jobs that filter in and working out. Yes, I work out in the vain hope I will look like Britain’s next top model and we all know it’s a boring subject that people talk about, like, all the time. Nevertheless. I like very much. Mainly because I can perve and drip over the hot guys I see now and again that attend. Back to subject, I mean if I have a rather attractive man with a large package that’s willing to deliver it to me whenever I want I get the best of all worlds. Of course, if he was my kinda guy and danced to the same song, I would consider promoting him to a full time boyfriend. As long as he’s not pesky. I never look, so let’s see if he finds me. Not that I am overly fussed. To tell you the truth I’m really not bothered at all.

So there, I have calmed my pheromone releasing machine from full power to neutral. I rarely notice guys if I’m honest. Not because I am becoming a newly found virgin or for that matter a raging lesbian, I am just not feeling the urge to visually undress every hot man I see and picture myself on my knees running my tongue all over his cock. Even the well behaved girls have naughty little fantasies and wet knickers. I am just merely saying.

So that’s why I have swapped sex for reading. I tend to find reading books satisfies me and leaves me either wanting more, or utterly content when it’s finished. The build up is just enough, the climax is shockingly breathtaking and the end finishes perfectly as you close it with a sigh and relax back.

The best thing about this is, should you start one and know it’s not for you, you simply close it and pick up another. Since when was it that easy to do that with a man?

Copyright © The Bella Effect 2013

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