“I’m never drinking again.” – 10 reasons why this is a great idea:
- Arguing with a female bouncer about an inflatable doll, telling her I even have pictures to prove it’s mine. Then deciding to get cocky and tell her I know like, loads of doormen before strutting off, hearing her final comment to me “You might want to take the labels off the bottom of your shoes.” Bitch.
- Wearing, if truth be told, a short, slutty, black boob tube dress and your best friend grabs the top and pulls it down to your waist revealing your rather petite and barely-there set of Jelly tots to the entire club.
- Going for a few quiet ones, end up meeting an extremely hot group of men, going to a strip club and getting a taxi from their hotel at 8am the next morning because you passed out.
- Waking up in your (thankfully) own bed in just your knickers. One shoe by the front door the other by the fridge (covered in vomit) and your bag thrown in the bathroom. Oh, and a bruise the size of a saucepan on your outer thigh you notice as you pick up the empty take-out packet. What even happened last night?
- Having a food fight in Burger King at 4am. Security have to escort you out whilst avoiding flying tomatoes and pickled gherkins.
- Waking up in a rather attractive man’s bed to realise he lives in a house of god and wouldn’t sleep with you because you’re not married and you swore. Get out. Now.
- Attempting to break the rules of being a ‘Good girl’ and excitedly take a man back to your hotel to hear him snoring in your ear five minutes later.
- Turning up to work still in a drunken state, thinking yeah this is so cool I feel fine. Until afternoon arrives and you want to projectile vomit everywhere and feel like you are going to poop your pants any second.
- Crawling in through the open window because you lost your key and eating your house mates pre-prepared curry off a large wooden spoon. No lunch for him then. Oops
- The walk of shame. After a night of sex with that guy you really fancied from school, he asks you to climb out the window so his parents don’t see you. Great. LBD paired with the red shoes now in your hands you walk that walk. Shame on you girl.
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