You just walked into your bedroom, you look around and everything is just as you left it. You look around again, a feeling gnawing away in the back of your mind that no, this wasn’t how you left it, nothing appears to be out of place yet a sense of worry passes through you. A doll sits staring aimlessly on top of a chest of drawers tucked away in the corner overlooking the stillness of the room. Her stare never moves, her thoughts locked away for no one to hear or question, the stillness surrounding her keeping her poised in the same position, perfectly balanced with no intentions of leaving this viewpoint. She will never disclose what she saw, if indeed she saw anything at all. Nothing significant leads you to believe something should be wrong; just that uncomfortable feeling.
Bizarre really how your subconscious works. Completely oblivious as you potter about doing day to day things you suddenly get alerted to a feeling that unsettles you. It is anyones guess as to what it is but sure as the sky is blue there it is. Digging its claws into your tummy and scratching the back of your head like a 5 year old who has seen an Ice cream van and wants one. NOW! Except they can never decide what they want with all the boastful choices that are cleverly laid out to entice a decision. Which one? It could be the simplest option, but would that really satisfy? It could be the juicy one with three different layers that you just know will spoil that nice, clean, little top fresh out of the laundry or the secret one, the hardest to get away with. The simplest ingredient yet buried beneath is that tiny ball of bubblegum which mummy and daddy, if they realise will take it out because at 5 years old it’s a hazard. Some will try to hide this and smile gleefully as they hold the tasty prize, parents blissfully unaware. Others will get to the point of near victory just to have it taken away. Then that feeling starts, annoyance added to the equation; I should have picked a different one.
Compiling a list of possible causes, reeling through the archives in your memory and in general depositing extracts of information that may be the underlying answer to your constant niggling feeling is one of the many things you do to ascertain what on earth is possessing you to feel such annoyance and anxiety towards something in-particular. Saying that you don’t even know what that in-particular is. Like that 5 year old should have chosen something that did not contain a secret, you were never to know exactly what thought process was right to follow. You can always have another go.
You stand and purposefully take in every part of the bedroom. Looking around precisely at where you know your belongings should be. There goes that feeling; Something isn’t right. Yet your bed is made, just as you made it. The clock tells the correct time and the neat pile of washing you need to put away sits nicely on the chair. The doll sits still looking past you, gazing, at what seems to be in the direction of the window. Nothing appears to be different. Yet you can’t shift that ‘feeling’ of discomfort. The description changes all the time, from nervousness through to curiosity. What is it? What is that feeling?
Eventually you start to think you will never know, you look at the doll and feel just like her; Clueless but focussed on the same thought, same direction. You feel you may understand what your mind is trying to point at with exasperation, yet with no clarification or confirmation you will always be waiting to find the last little piece of evidence.
The doll sat looking out of the window from the inside. Isn’t it obvious what that feeling is?
Copyright © 2013 The Bella Effect